Greetings, FYI/FYE I've added a bit of Seussism to the bottom. Would you, could you, with these 10? - W. Blake Gray, Chronicle Staff Writer Thursday, February 2, 2006 Click to View Ted Geisel -- better known as Dr. Seuss -- came from a family of beer brewers. It's a shame he's not still with us, because I think he'd get a kick out of the names of wines these days. I'm a huge Dr. Seuss fan. I think "Calculatus Eliminatus" is still the best thing that we've got. You should see the black writing all over my wine cellar. ("Is this Zin from Amador? No, mark it X-154.") Although Geisel died in 1991, his spirit lives on in the millions of kids inspired by his work, some of whom seem to have grown up to work for large wine companies. How else to explain wines called 3 Blind Moose? So in tribute to Geisel, here are this week's selections. At the personal risk of being called dour, I wondered how Vampire could make Pinot Noir. But lo and behold, came a bottle my way, and the 2003 Vampire Transylvania Pinot Noir ($8) made my tasting day. Full of fruit, light of body, nicely balanced it is, tasting of cherry and chocolate with a medium-long finish. Some like their wine to fly like a bat, but others prefer it be herded like cats. If you like roast chicken -- oh, so many do -- the 2005 Herding Cats Western Cape Chenin Blanc/Chardonnay ($9) may be perfect for you. With flavors of lemon, butter and herbs like rosemary, this South African wine with your palate will marry. What does the name mean, I said to myself, when I saw the 2004 2-2-10go Mendoza Torrontes ($7) sitting there on the shelf. Then I said it aloud and lo and behold, this Argentine wine's story began to unfold. It's tangy and grassy, with pineapple too; if you like Sauvignon Blanc, you might like this too. Oh, these wines are so funny, their names make me smile, and one with dual meaning comes once in a while. Because grapes come from plants that grew wild in their time, what's wilder to drink than 2004 Wild Bunch California White Wine ($10)? From a blend of four grapes, and the use of some wood, come flavors of lemon, butter and oil; a hint of lime does it good. The Screw Kappa Napa -- how it cleverly rhymes! -- shows the impact of oak on the fruit of the vine. I first tasted vanilla, but after awhile, some lime and white pepper emerged from the style. That's fine in its way, mimicking Chardonnay. But if you like passion fruit -- I know that I do -- then the Smoking Loon version may be better for you. It tastes of the tropics, with a hint of papaya, and would be great with fresh fish grilled right over a fire. If the devil had marbles, how would he play them? Would he cheat, use deceit, causing marble-ular mayhem? Chardonnay fans can ponder till their ponderer's sore, then sample 2004 Devil's Marbles Limestone Coast Chardonnay/Verdelho ($10) and ponder some more. It comes from Australia, tastes of lemon and butter, and a nice hint of mineral sets the palate aflutter. For folks name of Kelly, you're part of a crowd, and the 2003 Kelly's Revenge South Eastern Australia Shiraz ($6) lets you tout it aloud. Simple and pleasant, with slightly sweet cherry fruit, it's a great value so don't be a galoot -- go to the shop, store or market and loudly demand: "My name is Kelly, put that wine in my hand." As we come to the close of this week's Bargain Wines, we end with the name that inspired all these bad rhymes. Bats are blind, so is love, and there's justice as well, but when three moose go blind, do they make wine by smell? Tasting of cherry candy with a note of vanilla, the 2003 3 Blind Moose California Cabernet Sauvignon ($10) turns a sweet tooth into one happy fella. Shopping list The deals that we found, these were best for this week. All have funny names, but they're wines you should seek. Whites 2004 Devil's Marbles Limestone Coast Chardonnay/Verdelho ($10) 2005 Herding Cats Western Cape Chenin Blanc/Chardonnay ($9) 2003 Screw Kappa Napa Napa Valley Sauvignon Blanc ($10) 2004 Smoking Loon California Sauvignon Blanc ($9) 2004 2-2-10go Mendoza Torrontes ($7) 2004 Wild Bunch California White Wine ($10) Ros� NV Vampire Romania Merlot Ros� ($8) Reds 2003 Kelly's Revenge South Eastern Australia Shiraz ($6) 2003 3 Blind Moose California Cabernet Sauvignon ($10) 2003 Vampire Transylvania Pinot Noir ($8) W. Blake Gray is a member of the Food and Wine staff. E-mail wbgray(a)sfchronicle.com if this made you laugh. Page F - 6 URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2006/02/02/WIGHGH0HFN1.DTL With apologies to Dr. Seuss, spinning in his grave.... Would you drink it from a stem, Could you Drink it now and again. Would you drink it on the floor. An eastern gem, pinot noir. Could you drink it, Russ Mac Cee. Pinot noir from Roman-i-ee I would not drink it, from a glass. I cannot drink it, It smells like ass. I would not drik it from a cup. It reminds me of, breath de pup! I don't allow it in the house. The aroma is pure eau de mouse! C, J -- ------------------------------ * * Dr. James Lee Ellingson, Adjunct Professor jellings(a)me.umn.edu * * University of Minnesota, tel: 651/645-0753 fax 651 XXX XXXX * * Great Lakes Brewing News, 1569 Laurel Ave., St. Paul, MN 55104 *